Smash Newcomer: Duke Nukem
by Samniss Arandeen
Summary: What would happen if Duke Nukem were introduced in the next Super Smash Bros. title?


I was just resting in my Duke Cave when I was awoken by my computer. It warned me that something bad was happening and it couldn't figure out what.

So I went outside, expecting aliens infesting Las Vegas. I was in for one HUGE surprise...

"What the hell?" I said, retreating back into the Duke Cave to retrieve my prized gold-plated M1911 pistol. I loaded it, grabbed a few extra mags, and again ventured out. I wasn't dreaming, it was real, alright. "What are those alien bastards up to now?"

After walking around this strange land where the Vegas Strip should have been, I spotted a woman in a tight blue suit. Maybe she needed a little...help, I'll call it. That tiny little gun of hers wouldn't last a minute against Assault Commanders, to say nothing of Pig Cops. I ran over to her position...

And I found myself knocked back from behind. I got up, taking out the Shotgun I always kept on me. Looking around, I saw my assailant: A fat Italian man in a red jumpsuit. No big deal. I jumped Jumpman with a shotgun blast.

I don't remember what else got me here. All I know is that it's some sort of competition some god-like creatures kidnapped me and a handful of other heroes of different space-times to drop into.

Whoops, it's time for me to enter the ring once again. Appears this time I'll be facing some dude in a green dress and a sword and shield. Well, you probably know what I'm going to say. My name is Duke Nukem, and it's practically my fucking catchphrase!

"It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of gum..."

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I'd like to make a few notes regarding my opponents. One of them is a talking ball of pink jello with arms and legs. Apparently he can suck his enemies in and absorb their powers. I know because that's happened to me. Man, he is one disgusting motherfucker, let me tell you. I get spit out, and all of a sudden he grows blonde hair in a flat-top haircut, just like my hair, and a pair of shades over those eyes of his. Another opponent likes to radio back to his base a lot, getting info about his opponents. I understand if it's one of these gay-ass shitheads, but that guy should know about ME. I am Duke Nukem! I am forever!

Where do we fight, you ask? These god-like creatures saw fit to not only make our homelands disappear, but also cut out portions to use as rings for the fights. Everyone is guaranteed at least two "home stages", I was lucky enough to get three: Red Light District, Stadium (I killed the Cycloid Emperor. Ah, fond memories.), and Duke Burger. They even use these stages to make challenges for us.

What the?...They brought back the Overlord. Great. And now this guy in a superhero costume is fighting him. Ah well, I actually kind of like this guy..."I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck!" So I just helped him fight the Overlord, and now he's working on a way to free us all. Ah, what the hell, I'll join this party.

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First Appearance: Duke Nukem (1991)

Most Famous Appearance: Duke Nukem 3D (1996)

Most Recent Appearance: Duke Nukem Forever (2011)

Nintendo Appearances: Duke Nukem 64, Duke Nukem Advance

Unlocking Requirements:

-Brawl 750 times

-Complete Event "Come Get Some" on Hard

-Get Duke to join your team after defeating Overlord in Story Mode

-Playing as Mario and Captain Falcon, clear Classic mode on Hard or higher difficulty

Story Mode: Mario and Captain Falcon fall through a panel in the floor into what looks like an alien hive of some sort. But before they get a good look at their surroundings, a massive door opens, and out comes the Overlord. Mario and Captain Falcon fight it, but the Overlord is just too strong and has too many rockets in its barrages. Then, from up where they fell..."I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck." Duke drops down and helps defeat the Overlord, after which he makes good on his promise.

Stats:

Height: 6'4" (or slightly taller than Samus. Or, much taller than his shield bubble.)

Weight: Heavy

Speed: Samus' Speed

Power: Extremely High

Aerial: Poor

Priority: Average

Recovery: Well Above Average

Special Strength: Protective Boots: Is immune to Stage hazards (e.g., lava) for short amounts of time.

Special Weakness: Full of It: All enemy attacks deal slightly more damage when they hit Duke.

Double Jump: Jet Pack

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Snake Codec

Snake: Colonel, who's the tall, muscle-bound guy that keeps scowling at me?

Colonel: What? Snake, you don't know who Duke Nukem is?

Snake: Duke Nukem? Isn't he that guy that saved us twelve years ago from the aliens?

Colonel: Multiple times, Snake. Back in 1991, he fought the Techbots, and then was promptly captured and uploaded into a computer by the Rigelatins. Duke fought his way out, only to find Earth was invaded again by a third race, called the Cycloids, who had come to steal our women.

Snake: And now he's this mega-ultra-rock star hero who runs a casino, a burger joint, and wrote a book. Sounds easy enough.

Colonel: I'll give you a heads up, Snake: According to the women, Duke hasn't lost his touch.

Snake: I'll keep that in mind...

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Move Set:

A - Punch

AA - Punch Twice (Rapid Succession)

AAA - Punch Twice + Knee Attack

A - M1911 Shot

Av - Throw Pipebomb

A^ - Uppercut

Dash+A - Mighty Foot (snap kick)

Smash A - Shotgun fires to side

Smash A^ - Shotgun fires upward

Smash Av – Freeze Ray in direction Duke faces

Aerial A – Punch

Aerial AA – Double Punch

Aerial AAA – Double Punch + Knee Attack

Aerial A - M1911 Shot

Aerial Av – Ground Pound

Aerial A^ - Uppercut

Standard Special: Ripper - A chaingun cannon. Duke has to bring it out and let it load its barrels, then he can fire a three second burst from it. He must put it away in order to move.

Side Special: RPG – A slow-moving guided missile. Only one can be fired at a time.

Shield Button + Side Special: Devastator – Ten smaller, faster, unguided missiles fired in rapid succession. Works with RPG in the same manner Samus' Missiles and Super Missiles work.

Down Special: Laser Tripmine – Duke plants an explosive charge on the ground in front of him. It fires a laser straight up. Anyone who crosses the laser will be caught in the blast.

Up Special: Jetpack – Gives Duke five seconds of jet-assisted flight. Contact with enemies will cause Duke to plant a Tripmine on them, essentially turning said Tripmine into a sticky bomb.

Final Smash: Duke's Mighty Foot – Yes, a monster truck. Duke can drive it around the stage for a minute. Moves are as follows:

A – Throttle

A - Dash

- Brake

Smash – Turbo Boost

A - U-Turn

Smash A^ - Wheelie

Smash Av – Donut

Smash A - Burnout

Smash A - Turbo Dash

Hanging Attack: Duke tosses a Pipebomb over the ledge he hangs from, then hauls himself up.

Grab A – Pistol Whip

Grab - Duke shoots the M1911 8 times in rapid succession.

Grab - Duke grabs enemy by the ears and gives the head a sharp twist.

Grab v – Duke smashes enemy's head over his knee.

Grab ^ - Holoduke

Taunt 1: "I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck."

Taunt 2: Cracks knuckles.

Taunt 3: Pumps Shotgun menacingly.

Victory Theme: The first two riffs of "Grabbag" (Duke's theme), as originally performed by Megadeth.

Victory Pose 1: Triumphantly pumps his trusty Shotgun. "Ready for Action."

Victory Pose 2: Brandishes Ripper. "I like big guns, and I cannot lie!"

Victory Pose 3: Brandishes RPG. "Tonight, you dine in Hell!"

Losing Pose: Is visibly pissed off beyond all belief. "This really pisses me off."

Stall 1: "What are you waiting for, Christmas?"

Stall 2: "This is taking forever! Time to stop pissing around and get this big guy back into action!"

Shield Pose: No special pose required. Duke just stands there and takes it like a man.

Shield Overload: Duke will cringe slightly and flash red.

Pitfall: Duke stays in hurt pose, and steroid pills will fall off of him and roll away.

Selection Icon: Duke poses with a bikini-clad woman. Cigar in left hand (lit), and beer in right hand (open.)

Wiimote sound: Duke cracks his knuckles.

Entrance 1: Fireball (aka crashing ship) in background, Duke leaps from it to the Stage and cracks his knuckles. "Dammit. Those alien bastards are going to pay for shooting up my ride."

Entrance 2: Shrunken Duke steps on a Particle Expander, returning him to full size. "Size only matters when you're full grown, baby."

Entrance 3: Duke takes an elevator up from below the stage. "It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of gum."

Kirby Attack: A single Devastator rocket.

Series Symbol: Duke's belt buckle.

Unlock Message: (Voice of Duke) "I've got balls of steel!" (Duke's theme plays in background.)

Costumes: Duke palette swaps his tank top from its normal red to various other colors.

Universe, Etc.:

Assist Trophies: The Holsom Twins, Battlelord

Trophies: Assault Commander, Battlelord, Overlord, The Holsom Twins, Queen, Cycloid Emperor

Songs: Grabbag, Stalker, The City Streets, Valkyries, Mental Heavy, Mental Heavy 2

Finally, items. Every game contributes items to Smash Bros.' item pool, and Duke is no exception.

Atomic Health: Removes 50% of your damage. This is the only healing item in the whole game that can take your percentages into the negatives, all the way down to a maximum of -100%.

Steroids: Increases your melee attack power twofold for 30 seconds, but makes you unable to use your Specials.


End file.
